Couple Family Therapy

First of all, who is the "Couple" ?

Although married individuals come to mind first when talking about a couple, individuals are referred to as a couple together with their partners in all their relationships until they get married. Therefore, the meaning of the word couple is very dense and full. So, “How many types of relationships are there that make individuals couples?” To answer the question,

  • Dating couples who do not plan to marry,
  • Dating couples who are planning to get married,
  • Couples who cannot live together due to duty or other reasons,
  • Couples who love each other but do not like to touch each other,
  • Couples who like to touch each other,
  • Couples who like to touch each other,
  • Couples who cannot find the opportunity to be alone due to children or large families,
  • Couples who are alone a lot,
  • Couples whose relationship is not approved by the society,
  • Couples who love each other but cannot talk,
  • Birbirini seven ama konuşamayan çiftler,
  • Couples who communicate with each other with very few words,
  • Couples who have normalized the language of fighting in their relationship,
  • There are many other forms of relationships that include the word couple, such as workaholic couples.
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What happens in Couples Therapy?

“Why Get Couples Therapy?”

Getting couples therapy is just as important as finding out what your blood type is.

Because when you are in a life-threatening situation, the first intervention will be to open an vascular access and to supply a few units of blood suitable for your blood group. The analogy made with this example is also valid for crises between couples. When couples think that they are drowning in a relationship, it is necessary to know where to intervene and what should be given to them as a reinforcement in this relationship. However, couples cannot avoid emotional difficulties after ending the relationship with divorce or separation, unless they know what kind of couple they are when they have a crisis, what keeps them together beyond loving and liking each other, or what harms their relationship as they stand together.

To explain again through a similar example, just as the right interventions can be made when necessary after learning that there is a blood incompatibility between the couples, it is very important to know the conflicts that arise between the couples beforehand and to be able to intervene in a crisis environment.

Therefore, when you come to couples therapy;

  • First of all, you get to know the features that make you a couple with your partner in this relationship. So “What kind of couple are we?” You will find the answer to the question.
  • When couples come to therapy, they usually focus on the negative aspects of the relationship. However, it is important to see whether there are positive aspects of this relationship before coming to therapy. That is, “What positive aspects were the couples able to maintain until they received therapy?” Knowing the answer to the question shows the strengths of the relationship. This answer is equivalent to knowing how strong the immunity is, even if the microbe enters the body.
  • Do the couples have realistic expectations of each other, both materially and morally? relationship and character analysis is done. Because couples have both material and spiritual relationship investments towards each other. Couples invest their dreams, their time, their plans in each other’s lives. Together, they want to grow these spiritual investments. In other words, it’s like spending more time with each other and realizing their dreams with each other. While the couples who believe that this spiritual investment will grow want to increase their time by getting married during the dating period, married couples think that they are getting the return of their spiritual investment in each other by trying to maintain their marriage permanently. Of course, financial expectations are added to this. Buying a house together, going on a nice vacation, owning a car, being able to send children to good schools, expecting a gift from a partner that sometimes has a monetary value (a ring, a perfume, a necklace, etc.)… All these expectations are within the framework of the couple’s realistic characteristics. When it is kept, it adds flavor to the lives of couples as well as a meal that has its consistency. But when expectations start to deviate from the realistic dimension, couples lose their taste just like food tastes bad.

So How?

A man who is willing to work in a shift job in order to make his family live in better conditions says that his wife says, “He doesn’t spare any time for us, he works hard.” This is not a realistic expectation if their complaints do not fit the life chosen by the couple. Because for this man, family welfare is at the forefront and his self-confidence is shaken when he cannot reach his family to those living standards. Then, to make the expectation realistic, “How can you spend a quality and satisfying time for everyone when you come home as a partner who works so hard (not just according to the expectation of the spouse!)? We can choose the way to find the answer to the question. That’s when it becomes a realistic expectation.

The same is true for women. For example, if the female partner is working and she is tired because of her hustle and bustle in her own life, the man asks the woman, “I want to see a happy, cheerful woman every night when I come home.” expectations may not be realistic. Because fatigue can overshadow happiness. But if we go through a solution where the partner comes home every night and thinks about what both parties can do to make his wife more smiling, this would be a realistic expectation.

  • In therapy, couples learn to express themselves to each other with the right words and to listen to each other in a healthy way.
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How to start Couples Therapy?

Couple therapy may first come to mind as a type of therapy that should be followed with your partner. However, both partners may not be ready to receive couples therapy at the same time. That is, one of the partners may delay receiving therapy or may be completely rejecting. In such cases, the most common thing is that the partner who intends to receive therapy is affected by this negative attitude and gives up coming to receive therapy. This turns things around even more between couples. For this reason, if couple therapy cannot be started with both parties, it can be started unilaterally with the arrival of the willing partner. As a result, couple therapy can be carried out with couples that can be listed under 4 main headings.
  • The couple who wants to come together,
  • The couple who first wants to come alone and then wants to start therapy with their partner,
  • The couple that only one of the partners wants to come and the other partner postpones coming to therapy,
  • One of the partners said, “I’m okay, you go!” couples she sharply refused to come to therapy.
When you decide to get couples therapy, it doesn’t matter which couple status you fit above. Because, instead of not talking at all, starting to make healthy evaluations on the feelings, thoughts, behaviors and expectations of one of the partners means starting from somewhere for couple therapy with the partner who undertakes half of this relationship. Therefore, even if he cannot come with his partner, it should not be avoided to start unilateral couple therapy.

Why should you choose Mutlu Yaşam?

First of all, couples come to therapy as individuals who are broken, hurt and tired because of the problems they have experienced in their relationships. If a couples therapy is attempted by leaving emotion-focused therapy without considering their emotional sensitivities, it would be like stepping on the wounds of the couples. The emotions and fatigue of couples receiving couples therapy at the Happy Life Psychological Counseling Center are the first criteria to be considered.

In couple therapy, it is often observed that the communication languages of couples who are offended and tired towards each other also change. Couples no longer listen to each other, but to the hurtful voices within themselves. For this reason, when talking to each other, they respond to each other with the words of this offended voice, and sometimes even hurt each other emotionally.

For this reason, regardless of the type of therapy received from our center, online or face-to-face, great attention is paid to the language that the couples use to each other in therapy, the duration of their conversation, and the relaxation by expressing themselves correctly on both sides, considering this negative habit that develops on the cycle of blaming each other and self-defense against being blamed. . Thus, couples are tried to be strengthened in a more solution-oriented way so that they can listen, understand and find a solution without blaming each other.

In many centers, couples therapy and adult and individual therapy are confused. For this reason, it is very important to open your relationship to the right specialist, knowing that couples therapy has different sensitive points.